I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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