Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The power of my boobs compel you
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
