Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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