you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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