dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
