I just cut my nipple shaving
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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