I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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