You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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