hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
