I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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