i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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