I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
