Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
