just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
