Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
