If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
