this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
