I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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