Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize