Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
