I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
