I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
