also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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