Where is the hickey?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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