ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
