somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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