I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize