Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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