Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize