i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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