that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
