this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
