I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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