her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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