i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
