Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
