how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
