Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
