sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
