saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
