Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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