Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
