she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dick very happy bro
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
