Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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