Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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