That's when you crack a 10am beer
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
