What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bring money and cleavage
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
