It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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