Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
