There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
