Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
