i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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