WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
