Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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