The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You are a genius and a whore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
