I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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