Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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