I think im going to throw up on grandma
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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