Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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