standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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