Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
please come you make the beer taste better
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
