good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
