Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
