I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
