We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
