you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
