But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
