u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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