I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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