anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
