forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
