Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize