His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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