just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
