Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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