what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
