The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
