he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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