so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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