a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
